I'll always remember you

I’ll always remember you at Christmas Time,

the rain falling and falling,
my head hurting and hurting.

I remember the tree,
a thousand stars shining,
I can only choose one to follow.

I remember the meal,
the bright chatter and laughter.
She seemed so happy—
was it because she brought me back?

I dreamed of you
and it was Christmas again.
You made canapes and made it a lesson.

She was hanging round you and being silly,
as she did the day of the Christmas meal.

I remember the joy and brightness,
and the contrast of the emptiness, the end.

I remember you at Christmas,
the cheerful jumpers which hide so much.

I remember the rain falling
and my delirium as the flu hit.

I remember how I walked and walked,
out of my mind,
knowing goodbye was the only word
but not knowing where I’d go.

I remember how my memory came back in my fever,
and it flipped a switch,
things started to change, to move powerfully.

But I will remember you,
stuck in a timewarp, that wet December night—
the thousand stars shining,
but I can only pick one,
and follow it.