Castletroy Words

I’ll start by remembering, Something I don’t often do, Trying to draw back the veil, And bring back memories of you. I’m sad there’s little good I find, Not much light I can see, When I search back through my mind For what used to be. I did my best for your sake, But you were never grateful. I tried my best to keep you safe, Yet in return—you’ve been hateful. I carried your burdens for years, Though none of them were mine. You taught me silence and fear, Then called it “doing fine.” I learned to smile through sorrow, To mend what you would break, To dream of kinder tomorrows For everyone’s sake. But love can’t bloom in shadows, Or in a house of blame. You burned the bridges we needed— And still, I took the flame. Now I stand in the ashes, Breathing, scarred, but free. Your ghosts can’t chain me anymore— They have no claim on me. So let the distance stand between, A mercy, cold and true. No bridge, no bond, no beckoning Just silence left of you. I’ve made my peace with parting, No wish,...

Anniversary I still scream in nightmares that nothing can heal. I still scream— I still scream inside— because those nightmares were real. I wake, and it wasn’t a dream. So I scream, and I scream, but no one ever hears me. Then one day, God was kind. He reached out in poetic justice and eased my hurting mind. I still carry the horror, the shattered parts, but there is more peace in my heart. For Brendan, Ger and Leah, with thanks. 

So I let go.  So I let go— after holding on so tight, so long. Remembering you in memory, in word, in song. I turned back toward you one more time, took your dear hand in mine. Wished I could see that smile, keep it with me for a while. But I held your hands one last time— love and tears overflowing— and walked away.

In your arms.  I wake up thinking of you, and drag through the day... through dull routines and boring speeches, wishing I were in your arms. I walk home in the evening, thinking of you. I get the shopping, do the chores, sit staring at the screen, and I was...I was...in your arms. I stand and watch the water flow, I walk down the quay, I go to my café for tea, still wishing I were in your arms. Cold Streets There’s no escape, no shelter. The rain falls relentlessly. I’m hungry, someone please feed me before I perish on the cold streets. The rain makes me want to die. There’s no one to hear; everyone hurries by, hidden by rain gear. I sit in a doorway, watching Garda vans go by. There’s been a stabbing down the road. I sit alone and cry.